


Panic Overflows My Soul

by WordsOfHeart



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bram comes to the rescue, Bram is Simons Superhero, Bullying, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, High School, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic, Panic Attacks, Simon still does not know that Bram is Blue, Sobbing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 02:37:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14415837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordsOfHeart/pseuds/WordsOfHeart
Summary: Simon recently got outed to the whole school by Martin. Things are rough, because he feels like absolutely everyone has given up on him. The bullying is getting worst and he doesn't think he can make it on his own.Or, the one where Simon gets physically bullied by two guys at school and cute little Bram comes to the rescue.Based (without the hospital part) on this prompt : Probably more of a beaten up by bullies kind of deal, serious enough were there is genuine panicky conern and simon needs comfort, but not bad enough that he blacks out. Hospital scenes would be nice. (Maybe simons afraid of hospitals?) Just some thoughts. - Anon





	Panic Overflows My Soul

Things had been extremely difficult for Simon ever since Martin had forced him to come out publically to the whole school.

Most nights, Simon would rush home directly after the final bell, only to avoid the shouts of humiliation and hatred made by other students. Simon knew very well that bullying existed, but he never had been more conscious of it in his life. He had been the victim of so many acts of violence in the last days and it was slowly starting to kill him inside.

He felt like absolutely everyone had given up on him. It was hard to speak to his parents, because he was under the impression that they no longer knew who his true self was. He couldn’t blame them since he had been hiding a massive secret for a little over 4 years.

His friends had all vanished, enraged by the actions he had done. Deep down, Simon knew that what he had done to Abby, Nick and Leah was unfair, but he was still having a hard time understanding why they couldn’t at least defend him when random acts of bullying were pressured towards him in front of their eyes.

And Blue...Well he had disappeared for good. He couldn’t handle the intensity of being outed and with what Simon was currently going through, he couldn’t quite blame him for being scared.

He was scared himself. Every. Single. Day.

Terror had become his second name.

It was on a Monday though, exactly one week after his outing, that things started getting even worst.

Simon was calmly heading to his locker when two students of Creekside came up to him with rage bursting through their eyes. Simon tried to ignore the looks, but for some specific reason, he felt like there was no ignoring possible this time. He stared at the ground as he kept walking, books buckled tightly against his chest, trying to calm his increasing heartbeat.

‘‘Hey Simon, don’t walk so fast! Bend the fuck down so we can give you want you want.’’ Said the first boy in an extremely sarcastic tone.

Simon accelerated his steps, feeling tears prickle in the corner of his hazel eyes.

‘‘Yeah kid. Come on, we know you want it.’’ The second boy added, rushing behind Simon and grabbing at his wrist with a firm grip.

Simon squirmed, turning around. He swallowed hard, trying his best to act tough even though he felt himself break inside. He knew for a fact that he would definitely have some bruising on his skin.

‘‘Leave me the fuck alone.’’ Simon spoke up with a dry tone.

He didn’t want to deal with this. Not right now. Not ever.

But the boys were so much bigger than him and he knew, from the instant the arm of the taller guy raised itself in the air, that he wouldn’t be able to avoid the hit that was directly at him.

It was a punch. An extremely hard punch right into his gut. He wrapped an arm around his stomach, falling to the ground in pain as he moaned out loudly. He wanted to shout. He wanted to attack back and defend himself, but it hurt so badly that he couldn’t do anything. He remained on the cold tiles of the locker room instead, struggling to catch his breath. The other boy lowered himself at his level, giving him another painful punch, aiming for his head this time. Simon covered his temples with his palms as he squirmed in horror, positive he had never felt such a sharp pain before.

He was completely alone.

_Until he wasn’t._

Bram appeared out of nowhere like a superhero. He grabbed one of the boys by the collar of his polo, pushing him against a locker as he pressed a hand against his chest.

‘‘You better fucking run because I swear I am going to kill you both.’’ Bram stated aggressively, frustration in his eyes.

‘‘Look. Probably another closeted gay kid coming to the rescue of his prince.’’ The bully scoffed, giving Bram a soft push away.

‘‘Shut up. You don’t know me. And you sure as fuck do not know Simon. He’s a fucking amazing guy.’’ Bram added, not holding back his punch this time as it hit the boy right across his left cheek.

‘‘You’re going to fucking regret this shit man.’’ The taller boy warned, grabbing his bloody mouthed friend by the shoulder and storming off as quickly as he possibly could.

Bram wanted to run after them. He wanted to give them a taste of their own fucking medicine. But shortly after, he remembered that Simon was sitting on the floor and needed some help quickly.

He fell onto his knees in front of him, realising that he was definitely out of breath.

Simon was heaving for oxygen. He was panicking but he was also hurt pretty badly.

_He could take insults even though they hurt. But this type of physical abuse was getting way too intense for him._

‘‘Okay...Okay...Breathe Si. You’re okay.’’ Bram tried to calm him down as he slowly cupped his cheeks, realising immediately that he seemed awfully confused. ‘‘I need you to inhale and exhale with me alright...? Slowly...’’ Bram indicated, fearing the worst for the boy he cared massively about.

‘‘I...can’t...’’ Simon whispered as a small cry realised itself from his chest. He kept his shaking hands wrapped around his stomach, feeling like he could faint any second. The air was no longer reaching his lungs. His face was stained with tears.

Bram knew exactly what was happening. Simon was going through a panic attack. The unsteady breathing, the shaking hands, the dizziness, the confusion...It was all very obvious to him.

He slowly raised the boys chin, forcing him to look directly into his eyes.  

Simon looked terrified. He couldn’t calm his pacing heart, because he still was getting ready to receive another punch. He had been so used to pain in the last few days; all he could think about was getting hurt more. He had tried so hard to keep himself together, but it was starting to be difficult. He knew that he needed a breakdown, but wasn’t sure of when he would allow himself to explode in tears.

_He didn’t want to cry. He wasn’t going to cry._

But his face was getting more and wet and Bram’s arms around him felt like a shield. A shield of protection that he truly needed in that exact moment. The tighter the hug felt, the easier it seemed to exhale.

_He needed to let go._

‘‘It’s alright Simon. I’m right here okay? I’m not letting you go. But...you need to let go. You need to let it out.’’ Bram insisted as he gently curled his fingers against the back of his neck. He gently forced his face against his shoulder, trying to make him understand that he was allowed to cry if he needed to.

_And that’s exactly what Simon did._

It started with a shaky little whimper, but when Bram clutched at him tighter, he fully broke, letting himself sob loudly against the boy’s chest. His nails pressed into his shoulder blades, gripping onto his shirt as if his life depended on it.

He had hit a new low, Simon thought to himself as he shook desperately against the arms of one of the most popular, well known boys at Creekside. He was laying there, in the middle of the corridors, soaking the shirt of a boy he barely knew. He could feel his chest slowly rise as oxygen finally rushed through his veins.

‘‘That’s it. Breathe just like that. You’re doing great Jacques.’’ Bram chocked on the last word, realising as he was finished his sentence, the impact of the word that had just slipped his mouth.

_Jacques. He had just called Simon Jacques._

Simon felt his body functions shutting off all at once when his online name rang through his ears. He gently raised his head, looking up at Bram with tears still dwelling from his puffy eyes.

‘‘Is it...you?’’ Simon’s voice cracked midway through his question, still trying his best to remain calm, even though he was failing miserably.

‘‘It’s me.’’ Bram slowly pronounced. Knowing he could no longer deny it.

_He didn’t want to deny it. He wanted to be with Simon. He wanted to take his pain away, even if it meant making it his own._

‘‘It’s you.’’

‘‘I’m Blue.’’

Simon pressed one of his shaky hands in front of his mouth, trying to block another fit of angry waterfalls that wanted to be released from his body. He could feel so many different emotions as he tried to forget the intense pain still pressing against his ribs. He wanted to lift his middle finger to Bram’s face for giving up on him when he needed him most, but he also had this inner voice, screaming at him to never let go.

‘‘Why...Did you leave?’’ Simon asked, angrily rubbing at his eyes.

‘‘Because I was scared...So scared.’’ Bram whispered, nerves obvious in the back of his trembling voice.

‘‘Fuck this Bram. I’ve been scared for days. Terrified. But I was also alone. Do you know how terrifying it feels to be alone?’’

Bram shook his head in humiliation. He had no idea what it was like to feel lonely. But by the disastrous dark circles under Simon’s eyes, it was obvious that the boy perfectly knew what it felt like to be abandoned by everyone.

‘‘I know I should have been there Si. I’m so sorry. So...So sorry. I have no excuse.’’

‘‘Were you honest about me? About...Seeing yourself with me in the future?’’ Simon swallowed hard, terrified of what Bram’s answer would be.

Ever since Blue had disconnected, Simon was under the impression that maybe, _just maybe_ , it was because Blue did not like his true identity. That thought was haunting him ever since it had first crossed his mind.

‘‘I deeply believed every word I told you Simon. I still do today. It’s just...I panicked and I acted like a total asshole. I’m here now though...If you want me to be. If you can forgive me.’’ Bram said, honesty flowing through his promises. He gently intertwined his fingers with Simon’s, giving his hand a light squeeze. He felt a weight fly away from his shoulder when he noticed a small smirk appear against Simon’s quivering lips.

‘‘I just...I don’t think I can go through this alone. Everything hurts and I...’’

Bram interrupted his sentence before he could finish, leaning forward and smacking their lips hardly against each other. Simon stood still in surprise at first, but eventually started moving his own, feeling the wetness and the warmth melt against his mouth.

‘‘Listen to me.’’ Bram whispered.

Simon could feel his minty breath against his neck. It made him shiver.

‘‘You’ll never have to be alone again. You’ve got me now.’’

The bruised up boy gave him a small nod, relaxing completely into his arms. It was as if, suddenly, Simon could finally remember what breathing felt like. Bram took the moment as the perfect opportunity to lift him up into the air. Simon quickly understood what Bram was trying to do, wrapping his biceps around the boy’s neck as he allowed himself to be lifted into mid air. Simon rested his head against his chest as Bram slowly started walking down the empty corridors of their high school.    

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading loves !!  
> I hope you enjoyed this little one shot.  
> I'm trying to get as much prompts done as possible Xx 
> 
> Hit me up with Kudos and comments, they make my day, what can I say ?
> 
> Beaucoup d'amour,  
> Sabrina Xx


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